When a Coffee Chat Turns into a Cause: Changing the Conversation Around Infant Feeding

This week has been a bit of a whirlwind. On Tuesday, I had an exciting meeting with the Ickle Pickles Charity, and I’m thrilled to be doing more with them going forward. But sometimes it’s the unplanned moments that end up making the biggest impact.

On Thursday, I was meant to follow up with NCT and get through a whole list of things — but life had other plans. 

At crèche, I met a mum who I’d never spoken to before. She’s usually there on different days, but thanks to the Easter holidays and some clever juggling on her part (her older two were across the road at a dance workshop), she was there that day.

And we met because — wait for it — I asked if we could  move a table because I’m short and couldn’t reach (it had beenmoved and wasn’t where it usually is). She replied, “Oh my God, yes! Its why I sat on this sofa not that one” and we ended up shuffling the tables together. A simple, human moment that sparked a really important conversation.

I told her I had planned to do loads of work that day, but the second I sat down, the tiredness hit and I just couldn’t bring myself to open my laptop. She totally understood — because of course, she’s in the thick of motherhood too.

As we chatted, I learned that she works with a local family charity and has a real passion for supporting parents with infant feeding. Naturally, we ended up deep in conversation about our own experiences. I shared how Amelia, after seven weeks, stopped taking the breast and would only take a bottle. It was heartbreaking at the time. I felt like I’d done something wrong.

But I kept expressing. Every single feed, day and night. I expressed until Amelia was five months old — driven by love, exhaustion, and a deep determination to give her the best I could. It wasn’t easy. It was isolating at times. But it was also empowering in its own way. I just wanted to have been able to do it longer. 

At around three months, I remember one day so vividly. I was completely depleted. Amelia had gone through all six bottles of milk I had carefully expressed and stored in the fridge. And I had nothing left to give.

She was screaming — but this wasn’t her usual cry. It was a new, absolutely distraught scream. A sound full of confusion and hunger and frustration, and it cut right through me. I was already exhausted, already running on empty, literally, and the guilt hit me like a tidal wave. I stood there, in tears, feeling like I had failed her.

I gave her formula for the first time that day. And although it met her needs, the guilt in that moment was overwhelming. I had been doing everything I could — and still, it felt like it wasn’t enough.

The scream, the crying, the pressure — it was too much. I remember Ryan stepping in, gently taking Amelia and saying, “Let me take her out for a walk.” He knew I needed some quiet. Some respite. Just a few moments to breathe, to cry, to rest. That simple act of love meant everything.

Shortly after that, Amelia started to refuse my milk altogether. That broke my heart. It felt like the end of something I had fought so hard for.

But looking back now, I find myself asking: Why do we do this to ourselves?

Why do we carry such guilt for simply feeding our babies in the best way we can, with what we have, in that moment? Why do we treat formula as a failure instead of a lifeline?

We talked about how common those feelings are — especially when support is limited, or when your feeding journey doesn’t look like the “standard” path. So many parents are left feeling judged or unsupported when what they really need is empathy and options.

That chat reignited something in me — because alongside everything else, I’m also working on my Pumping for Preemies campaign. It’s all about supporting families of premature babies who are trying to express milk in incredibly difficult and emotional circumstances. For many, it’s not just physically draining — it’s emotionally overwhelming too.

And often, the system isn’t set up to help them succeed. Hospital-grade pumps can be hard to access outside of NICUs, emotional support is patchy, and there’s so much pressure (from society and from ourselves) to “get it right.”

Talking with this mum reminded me why I started Pumping for Preemies in the first place. Because no parent should feel judged for how they feed their baby. Whether it’s boob, bottle, pumping, or a mix — every journey is valid. Every baby is different. And every parent deserves compassion, not criticism.

Feeding our babies should be one of the most natural and supported parts of parenthood. And yet, it’s still a battleground for shame and misunderstanding.

A few hundred years ago, wet nurses were completely normal — feeding was shared, and mothers were supported. So why, in today’s world, are we still asking intrusive questions like:

“Are you breastfeeding?”

“How long for?”

“Shouldn’t you have stopped by now?”

These questions don’t help anyone. They just add to the pressure, and they ignore the nuances of each family’s story.

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So what’s next?

This conversation has made me want to reach out to local breastfeeding support groups and charities to explore collaborative work — whether it’s joint workshops, awareness campaigns, or just creating safe spaces for honest chats.

I believe in building a community where no parent feels alone in their feeding journey — especially those with premature babies or those navigating neurodivergent parenting.

If you’re involved with a charity, support group, or healthcare organisation and you’d like to explore working together — please get in touch. Let’s change the narrative, one honest conversation at a time.

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Let’s Make Feeding Support Inclusive and Kind

If this blog resonated with you, I’d love it if you could like, share, or subscribe to follow more honest stories about parenting, prematurity, and neurodiversity.

Your voice matters — and you never know how your story might help someone else.

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References & Further Reading

• NHS Infant Feeding Guidelines

• UNICEF Baby Friendly Initiative

• La Leche League GB – Support for Breastfeeding

• [Pumping for Preemies Campaign – Coming Soon]

Jot down the first thing that comes to your mind.