Pregnancy is often portrayed as a time of joy, anticipation, and excitement. But for many parents, especially those facing complications, it is a period of intense fear, grief, and uncertainty. When your baby’s survival is in question, the world feels like it is standing still—yet the support for your mental health is often lacking.
Despite growing awareness around perinatal mental health, there remains a huge gap in care for parents experiencing high-risk pregnancies, recurrent loss, or the fear that their baby may not survive. I know this from experience, and I hear it echoed in the stories of so many other parents who have been through similar journeys.
Navigating a Pregnancy Filled With Fear
When I was pregnant with Amelia, I felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety and dread. I knew she was going to be born early, and I knew the risks that came with that. Every scan, every test, every moment of stillness in my womb carried the weight of uncertainty. And yet, throughout that terrifying journey, mental health support was almost non-existent.
Pregnancy-related mental health care is often reserved for postnatal depression or anxiety that emerges after birth, but what about the trauma that happens during pregnancy? What about the sleepless nights spent wondering if your baby will survive? The hospital visits filled with statistics and difficult conversations? The silent grief of preparing for a loss while still hoping for a miracle?
For parents in these situations, the usual support systems don’t always apply. Antenatal classes focus on birth plans, breastfeeding, and preparing for a healthy newborn. But what if your pregnancy is one of survival rather than celebration?
The Gaps in Mental Health Support
It’s estimated that 1 in 5 women experience a perinatal mental health condition, yet care is often reactive rather than proactive. If you’re lucky, you might have a midwife who notices your distress and refers you to a perinatal mental health team. But for many parents, the assumption is that the focus should be on the baby’s survival, not the emotional toll the pregnancy is taking.
Some key gaps in mental health care during a difficult pregnancy include:
• Lack of emotional support at scans and appointments – When you’re being told your baby is at risk, there’s rarely anyone there to support you emotionally. The focus is purely on the medical facts.
• No routine mental health checks for high-risk pregnancies – Despite the well-documented links between traumatic pregnancy experiences and postnatal PTSD, many parents are left to cope on their own.
• Few specialist services for those facing neonatal loss or extreme prematurity – Parents who know they may not bring their baby home often have to seek out their own support, rather than having it integrated into their care.
• A system that prioritises the physical over the emotional – Medical teams focus on what they can do to save your baby, but the emotional well-being of the parent often becomes an afterthought.
The Emotional Toll of Not Knowing
One of the hardest things about a difficult pregnancy is the not knowing. It’s living in limbo—trying to hope but fearing the worst. It’s being told to “stay positive” when you know the reality is far more complex. It’s trying to bond with a baby while protecting yourself from heartbreak.
For many parents, this uncertainty leads to:
• Heightened anxiety and panic attacks
• Sleep disturbances and nightmares
• Isolation from friends and family who don’t understand the experience
• Guilt for not being able to enjoy pregnancy like others
• Depression and emotional numbness
And yet, unless parents actively seek out support—often through charities or peer groups—many are left to carry this weight alone.
What Needs to Change?
There is a desperate need for better perinatal mental health care for parents going through complicated pregnancies. Some key changes that could make a huge difference include:
• Automatic referrals to perinatal mental health teams for high-risk pregnancies – If a pregnancy carries significant risks, parents should be proactively offered psychological support, not have to fight for it.
• Mental health professionals present at difficult medical appointments – Every time a parent is given distressing news, there should be someone there to help them process it.
• Bereavement and trauma-informed care integrated into antenatal services – Whether or not a baby survives, parents should be supported in navigating the emotional toll of their experience.
• Recognition that mental health care in pregnancy is just as important as physical health care – Emotional trauma doesn’t wait until after birth to take hold. It starts during pregnancy, and the earlier it’s acknowledged, the better the outcomes for both parent and baby.
Breaking the Silence
If you are currently going through a difficult pregnancy, please know that your feelings are valid. You do not have to put on a brave face or pretend that everything is okay. It’s okay to grieve, to feel afraid, to struggle. And if no one is offering you the support you need, keep asking—because you deserve that support.
To those who have been through this journey and felt unseen, unheard, and unsupported, I see you. Your pain, your strength, your love—it all matters. And it’s time the healthcare system started recognising that, too.
Have you experienced a lack of mental health support during a difficult pregnancy? Let’s start the conversation—share your thoughts in the comments. And if this post resonates with you, please like and subscribe for more discussions on parenting, mental health, and navigating life’s hardest moments.
References & Further Reading
• Sands UK – Pregnancy loss and baby death charity: www.sands.org.uk
• Tommy’s – Pregnancy and baby loss research and support: www.tommys.org
• Maternal Mental Health Alliance – Perinatal mental health care: www.maternalmentalhealthalliance.org
• Birth Trauma Association – Support for birth trauma and PTSD: www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk
What do you complain about the most?
The bad and your parenting journey 