Over the years, people have often told me, “You have a way of putting people at ease,” and I suppose they’re right. I’m someone who can walk into a room and read the atmosphere like a book — I pick up on tone shifts, facial expressions, body language, and unspoken discomfort. But this isn’t something I learned from a textbook or a course. It’s something I developed as a child — a survival skill that grew out of always trying to make others comfortable, to smooth things over, and to not be a burden.
You see, I was a people pleaser — and truthfully, I still have those tendencies. When you’ve experienced trauma, grief, or grown up feeling like you had to work harder to be accepted, you become incredibly attuned to others. You learn to anticipate what they need before they ask, and you sometimes sacrifice your own peace to keep others comfortable.
But that sensitivity has become a strength. Because now, I use it to advocate for those who feel unseen. I don’t just notice when something’s wrong — I take action.
I remember one moment so clearly from my time working on the cruise ships. A client was booked in with me, and I was honestly dreading it. So many of the crew had said she was standoffish and even a little rude. But when she came in for her consultation and I started asking gentle questions — about her stress levels, how she was sleeping — she suddenly broke down in tears.
She told me that her dad had died just eight days earlier, and that before he passed, he had told her not to cancel the cruise. So there she was, completely heartbroken, trying to honour his wishes, but feeling isolated and misunderstood.
I was the manager, and luckily I had no one booked in after her. I stepped outside to reception, blocked off the next hour, and then came back and said, “Right. We’re not starting anything until you’ve had a hug and a cry, because I think you need that more than a treatment right now.”
She told me no one had asked if she was okay. In fact, she’d felt judged — not just by other guests but by the very crew who were supposed to make her feel welcome. So I went to speak to them. I gently but firmly said, “Please make sure she’s okay. Her dad has just died. She doesn’t need judgement — she needs kindness.”
That moment stayed with me. Not because I did something extraordinary, but because it reminded me how powerful empathy can be when paired with action.
So yes, I put people at ease — but not by accident. I do it because I see people. And I act. That’s not weakness. That’s strength.
I want to say this especially to anyone who’s ever been called “too sensitive” or has felt like their empathy made them a doormat. Your emotional intelligence is a gift. And when you pair that with courage and boundaries, you can not only comfort people — you can change how they experience the world.
I’m no longer afraid to stand up for what’s right, and I’ll always fight for those who feel unseen. Being a people pleaser taught me how to tune in — and now, I use that skill to lead with love, and to speak up with purpose.
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References:
Brown, B. (2018). Dare to Lead. Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. NHS. (2023). Empathy and Mental Health Mind UK. (2024). Understanding Emotions and Advocacy
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