By Laura Johnstone
Today Amelia had her two-year review with the Health Visitor.
And I won’t lie—it left me feeling frustrated. Not because of anything they did wrong in particular, but because of the weight that these appointments can carry. That feeling of being assessed. That feeling of am I doing enough? Is she doing enough? And worse… am I failing her?
This isn’t the first time I’ve felt this. I doubt it’ll be the last. Because the truth is—modern parenting feels like a constant race. A race to hit the milestones. A race to keep up appearances. A race to keep up with the neighbours, the social media feeds, the health visitor’s checklist. It’s exhausting. And the two-year review can bring all of that pressure bubbling to the surface.
Amelia is bright, cheeky, fiercely independent, and thriving in her own unique way. She’s overcome more in her two short years than many do in a lifetime. And yet, sitting in that room (or on that call), listening to questions like “Can she string two words together?” or “Is she able to jump with two feet?”, I couldn’t help but feel a knot of panic. The pressure to say the right things, to prove that yes, we’re doing OK—whatever “OK” even means.
But here’s what I’ve learned:
Children aren’t checklists.
Parents aren’t machines.
And development isn’t linear.
Especially for children like Amelia—born premature, with a tough start. Especially for parents like us—juggling trauma, healing, work, and family life, often without enough support. We are constantly navigating more than what’s visible on the surface.
And still, society keeps pushing this idea that if your child isn’t doing XYZ by this exact date, something’s wrong. And if something’s wrong, it must be your fault.
Let me tell you this now: it isn’t.
You’re not falling behind.
Your child isn’t broken.
You haven’t failed.
There’s nothing wrong with having questions, or needing extra help. There’s nothing wrong with doing things in your own way and time. That is what parenting is—it’s learning on the job, every single day, with no lunch break and no line manager to say “you’re doing a good job.”
So to any parent reading this who’s dreading their two-year review, or whose child hasn’t yet hit the milestones in that neat little red book—take a deep breath. Those questions aren’t the full story. They never will be.
Your child is more than a list of developmental markers.
And you are more than a tired face in a waiting room.
You are their safe place.
You are doing your best.
And that is enough.
If this blog resonates with you, please like, share, and subscribe to The Good, The Bad, and Your Parenting Journey. Let’s continue to lift the lid on the realities of parenting and support one another without judgement.
References:
NHS Start for Life: https://www.nhs.uk/start4life UNICEF Parenting Resources: https://www.unicef.org/parenting Zero to Three: What Are Developmental Milestones? https://www.zerotothree.org
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