Today is Rainbow Baby Day. For those who may not know, a rainbow baby is a baby born after the loss of another baby. The rainbow comes after the storm, symbolising hope, love, and light following heartbreak.
But if you are a parent of a rainbow baby, you’ll know the day can stir so many emotions. Alongside the joy of holding your child in your arms, there can be a deep sense of guilt, sadness, “what ifs,” and remembrance for the little one who didn’t get to stay.
The mixture of emotions
When I became a mum, I realised how closely love and loss can sit side by side. For parents of rainbow babies, there’s often a sense of “should I be allowed to feel this happy?” paired with “why couldn’t I have had both?”
The guilt can creep in when we’re laughing and playing with our rainbow, as though joy somehow dishonours the baby who came before. But love isn’t a limited resource. Loving your rainbow does not mean you’ve stopped loving the baby you lost. Both can exist. Both should exist.
The weight of the “what ifs”
Rainbow parenting also brings with it the “what ifs.”
What if my baby had survived – who would they have become? What if my children had grown up together as siblings? What if I had done something differently – could the outcome have changed?
These questions can linger quietly in the background or hit hard on days like today. They can make us feel torn between two worlds – the life we’re living with our rainbow and the life we imagine with the baby who isn’t here.
It’s important to remind ourselves that the “what ifs” come from love. They are part of honouring the baby we lost. We may never have answers, but allowing ourselves to feel those questions is a way of keeping their memory alive.
How common loss really is
Statistics tell us that 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Personally, I think the number is higher, simply because people don’t always talk about it. It’s still something many parents carry quietly. Often, when you do find the courage to speak about your own experience in a group, someone else will quietly share that they’ve been through it too. That silence can make the journey feel isolating, but breaking it shows us just how many families carry this hidden grief.
Remembering and finding support
If today feels heavy for you, please know you are not alone. There are charities and organisations here in the UK who are there to hold you through the mix of emotions:
Sands (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Charity) – Offering bereavement support groups, helplines, and campaigns for better bereavement care. https://www.sands.org.uk Tommy’s – Funding research into miscarriage, stillbirth, and premature birth while also providing information and support to families. https://www.tommys.org Bliss – Supporting parents of premature and sick babies, recognising that many NICU journeys are tied with loss and trauma. https://www.bliss.org.uk Petals – A counselling charity dedicated to helping parents who experience loss during pregnancy or birth. https://www.petalscharity.org
These organisations exist because too many families walk this road, and no one should have to do it in silence.
Holding space for all emotions
Today is about remembering, about celebrating, and about honouring every baby – those here and those who live in our hearts. It’s okay if you feel joy. It’s okay if you feel guilt. It’s okay if you feel both at the very same moment.
It’s okay too if you find yourself drifting into the “what ifs.” They don’t mean you’re ungrateful for your rainbow. They mean you are human, carrying love for more than one child.
Rainbow Baby Day is not just about the rainbow, but about acknowledging the storm that came before. And sometimes, simply knowing that others understand can be enough to bring a little comfort.
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References
Sands: https://www.sands.org.uk Tommy’s: https://www.tommys.org Bliss: https://www.bliss.org.uk Petals: https://www.petalscharity.org
The bad and your parenting journey 