This morning has been rather overwhelming. Amelia has been non-stop, using me as a climbing frame, and then, just for good measure, head-butting me in the eye. Now, I’m just hoping I don’t end up with a black eye, because let’s be honest, people might start giving Ryan some very concerned looks!
It’s one of those days where toddler energy feels absolutely relentless. I love her adventurous spirit, but sometimes I just wish she’d channel it into something that doesn’t involve climbing all over me like I’m a human jungle gym.
Parenthood is full of beautiful moments—but it’s also completely overwhelming. Some days, I feel like I have everything under control, like I’m balancing all the spinning plates of parenting with ease. And then there are the other days—the days when the plates come crashing down, when my patience runs out, and when even the smallest of tasks feel impossible.
And when you add chronic pain into the mix, everything feels a little heavier.
Parenting with Chronic Pain: The Extra Weight We Carry
Raising a toddler is physically demanding for any parent. But when you live with chronic pain, it’s not just tiring—it’s draining in a way that most people can’t understand.
Every lift, every chase, every moment spent sitting on the floor playing, bending over to pick up toys, or carrying them up the stairs—it all takes a toll. And unlike the exhaustion that many parents feel, chronic pain doesn’t reset after a good night’s sleep (not that I get much of that anyway!).
Some mornings, I wake up already feeling like I’ve run a marathon. The aches, the stiffness, the fatigue—it’s there before the day even begins. And yet, there’s no pause button in parenting. Toddlers don’t slow down just because I need a break. They don’t understand that my body doesn’t work the way I wish it did.
The Anxiety That Comes with Parenting in Pain
Then there’s the anxiety—because chronic pain isn’t just about managing physical discomfort; it’s about constantly wondering:
• Will I be able to keep up today?
• If I push through the pain now, how bad will it be later?
• Will my child remember the days I struggled more than the days I was fully present?
• What if I just can’t do everything they need me to do?
I worry about being the parent I want to be, about not missing out on the moments that matter. I worry about the judgment from others who don’t see the pain behind my tired eyes, who think I’m just being lazy when I sit down instead of running after Amelia.
And the guilt… oh, the guilt. Because I want to do everything. I want to be the fun parent who chases her around the park without a second thought. I want to scoop her up effortlessly when she needs me. But sometimes, my body just says no—and that’s an incredibly hard thing to accept.
The Small Things That Help
I won’t pretend to have all the answers. Parenting with chronic pain is a daily challenge, and some days are just about survival. But here are a few things that help me manage when everything feels overwhelming:
1. Adapting Instead of Comparing
I’ve learned to stop comparing myself to other parents who don’t have the same struggles. My way of parenting might look different, and that’s okay. I find ways to connect with Amelia that don’t involve constant movement—reading stories together, snuggling on the sofa, sensory play that doesn’t require me to be on my feet all day.
2. Giving Myself Permission to Rest
This is one of the hardest things to do, but it’s necessary. Rest isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. If I don’t listen to my body, I end up paying for it later. So sometimes, that means sitting down even when I feel like I “should” be doing more. It means prioritising energy for the things that matter most.
3. Finding Support
I used to feel like I had to do it all myself. But the reality is, we’re not meant to parent alone. If you have a partner, lean on them. If family or friends offer help, say yes. There’s no shame in needing support.
4. Letting Go of Guilt
I remind myself every day: Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t mean I’m failing. It means I’m human. My child doesn’t need a perfect parent. She needs me—doing my best, even when my best looks different on different days.
You Are Not Alone
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by parenting, if you’re parenting with chronic pain, if you’re constantly juggling exhaustion, anxiety, and guilt—you are not alone.
I see you. I understand. And I promise—it’s okay to admit that this is hard.
Because it is hard. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But in the middle of all the exhaustion, the mess, and the chaos, there are also moments of pure love. The cuddles, the giggles, the tiny hands reaching for yours.
Those are the moments that keep us going.
So take a deep breath, be kind to yourself, and know that you are doing an incredible job—even on the days when it doesn’t feel like it.
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