(Updated to include questions for all parents)
Today felt like a big day for us. I visited a potential playschool for Amelia to attend in September – just three days a week to begin with, but it’s still a huge milestone. For any parent, choosing the right setting can be nerve-wracking. But as a parent of a possibly neurodivergent child, those questions and concerns can feel magnified. and actually although I say potential cause I wrote it before going it is definitely the place that we are wanting to send her. For one it was huge the staff were lovely. Amelia was able to play when I chatted to the manager for about half an hour hour and she was so kind and supportive. If we get in, I know that I will be so lucky and so will Amelia. 
I wanted to be prepared – not just for myself, but for Amelia, who sees and experiences the world in her beautifully unique way. So I made a list of questions, especially for the SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator), to help guide the conversation. If you’re in a similar place, here are the things I asked – and I hope they help you too.
💡 First of All, What’s the Difference Between Neurotypical and Neurodivergent?
Neurotypical children process the world in ways that are considered typical or expected by society—social communication, emotional regulation, sensory responses, and behaviour tend to follow standard developmental milestones.
Neurodivergent children, on the other hand, have differences in how they experience and interact with the world. This can include autism, ADHD, sensory processing differences, dyslexia, and other forms of neurodivergence. These children might need more flexibility, predictability, or tailored support to thrive.
Neither way is better—just different. And those differences matter when choosing a setting that truly sees and supports your child.
🧠 What I Asked the SENCO (for Possibly Neurodivergent Needs)
[This section remains unchanged from earlier – covering questions on SEN support, sensory regulation, emotional safety, and working together.]
🧩 What Would I Ask if I Thought My Child Was Neurotypical?
Even if you don’t have concerns about neurodivergence, it’s still important to understand how a nursery or playgroup works. Here are some general questions many parents ask when exploring a setting for their child:
🏫 General Environment & Approach
What does a typical day look like for the children? How do you support children through separation anxiety or settling in? How do you encourage social skills and friendships? What kind of learning-through-play activities do you provide?
🧼 Health, Safety, and Wellbeing
What’s your child-to-adult ratio? How do you manage toileting or nappy changing? How are accidents or incidents communicated to parents? What’s your approach to discipline or managing tricky behaviour?
🍎 Food and Routine
Do you provide snacks or meals – and how do you accommodate allergies? How do you manage nap times and tiredness in toddlers? Are children encouraged to eat together to support social mealtimes?
📣 Communication with Parents
How will I be kept informed of my child’s progress? Do you use an app or regular updates? Are there parent evenings or chances to discuss development?
⚖️ So What’s the Real Difference?
It comes down to this: neurotypical questions often focus on structure and consistency, while neurodivergent-focused questions dig deeper into emotional safety, flexibility, and individual needs.
For example:
A neurotypical parent might ask “Do you have a set routine?” A neurodivergent parent might ask “How flexible is your routine if my child struggles with transitions?”
Or:
“How do you support friendships?” vs. “What support do you give to children who find social interaction overwhelming?”
Both types of questions are valid and necessary. It’s just about tuning in to what your child needs and what setting can bring out their best self.
💬 Final Thoughts
Whether your child is neurotypical, neurodivergent, or you’re still figuring that out—it’s okay to ask questions. It’s okay to advocate. And it’s more than okay to be the parent who wants to make sure their child is seen, supported, and understood.
Today reminded me that we can ask for what we need and still be open to learning more about what will help our children thrive.
📌 Over to You
Have you visited a nursery or playgroup recently? What did you ask—and what would you add to this list?
💜 I’d love to know in the comments.
👉 If you found this post helpful, please like, share, and subscribe so more families feel equipped on their parenting journey.
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