Living with autism and ADHD means that rejection sensitivity is something I experience daily. It’s not just about feeling sad when things don’t go my way—it’s a deep, almost physical reaction to perceived rejection or criticism, even when no harm was intended. It can feel like the world is crashing down over something as small as a delayed text response, a neutral expression on someone’s face, or a simple “no” to a request.
For many neurodivergent people, rejection sensitivity (often linked to Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, or RSD) isn’t just an emotional reaction—it’s an overwhelming sense of being unwanted, unworthy, or “too much.” It’s the fear of being abandoned, of not fitting in, or of always saying or doing the wrong thing. It’s reliving every negative experience, every friendship that ended, every time someone walked away. And for years, I let these feelings control me.
But then I came across something that changed my perspective—the “Let Them” (and “Let Me”) theory by Mel Robbins. And it’s helped me more than I could have imagined.
What Is the “Let Them” (and “Let Me”) Theory?
Mel Robbins’ “Let Them” theory is based on a simple but powerful idea:
• If people want to leave, let them.
• If they don’t invite you, let them.
• If they don’t text back, let them.
• If they don’t see your value, let them.
At first, this sounded impossible to me. How could I just let people go when my brain was wired to desperately seek connection, approval, and reassurance? How could I let someone ignore me when my mind was already screaming that I wasn’t good enough? But as I started to sit with the idea, I realised something—it wasn’t about giving up. It was about letting go of control over things I couldn’t change.
But then there’s the other side of the equation—the part that often gets overlooked but is just as important:
• If I want to set boundaries, let me.
• If I need time to process, let me.
• If I want to be authentically myself, let me.
• If I need to walk away from something that hurts me, let me.
It’s not just about letting others be who they are—it’s about giving myself permission to be who I am too.
How “Let Them” (and “Let Me”) Has Helped My Rejection Sensitivity
1. It Stopped Me from Chasing People Who Didn’t Choose Me
For a long time, I would replay conversations over and over in my head, wondering if I’d said something wrong. If someone distanced themselves, I would bend over backwards trying to make things right—even if I hadn’t done anything wrong. The “Let Them” theory gave me permission to stop. If they don’t want to stay, let them. Instead of obsessing over their silence, I focus on the people who actually show up for me.
2. It Helped Me Accept That Not Everyone Will Understand Me
Being autistic means I sometimes communicate differently, miss social cues, or struggle with small talk. I’ve spent so much time masking, trying to be what others wanted, just to be accepted. But the “Let Them” theory helped me realise: If someone doesn’t understand me, that’s okay. Let them. My worth isn’t defined by how well I fit in. The right people will appreciate me for who I am.
3. It Gave Me Emotional Freedom
RSD used to feel like a prison—I was constantly trying to avoid rejection, making myself smaller, apologising when I didn’t need to. But when I started applying “Let Them”, I began to feel lighter. It reminded me that I don’t have to force relationships, beg for validation, or prove my worth. If someone chooses to misunderstand me, let them. If someone thinks I’m too much, let them. It doesn’t change my value.
And on the flip side, I’ve learned to say: If I want to stop proving myself, let me.
4. It Stopped Me from Over-Apologising
One of the hardest parts of rejection sensitivity is feeling like everything is your fault. I used to apologise constantly, even when I hadn’t done anything wrong. But “Let Them” shifted my mindset: If someone is upset but won’t communicate? Let them. If they hold onto resentment instead of having a conversation? Let them.
At the same time, I remind myself: If I don’t want to apologise for things that aren’t my fault, let me.
5. It Helped Me Set Boundaries Without Guilt
Before, I would let people overstep my boundaries because I was too afraid to say no. I’d put their comfort above my own because I didn’t want to be seen as difficult. But the “Let Them” theory reminded me: If someone gets upset because I’m setting a boundary, let them. Their reaction is not my responsibility.
And equally important: If I need to say no without feeling guilty, let me.
My Experience With RSD in University
I remember when I was at university, any negative comment about a piece of work—even if it was used in the “sandwich method” (where feedback starts with a positive, then a critique, then another positive)—would destroy me. It didn’t matter if the lecturer told me I’d done something well; I would only hear the negative part. I would obsess over it, picking apart my work, convinced I had completely failed.
That’s why failure is a banned word in my house.
Back then, I didn’t have the words for what I was experiencing, but now I know—it was Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD). Once I learned about autism and ADHD, everything made sense. I wasn’t just “overly sensitive” or “too emotional”; my brain was wired to react this way. Recognising RSD was a breakthrough because it meant I could start to change how I responded to these feelings instead of letting them control me.
The word “failure” may be banned in my house, but it was banned in my heart long before that. Now, I focus on the fact that every mistake is just a stepping stone, not a permanent label.
“Let Them” and “Let Me” Don’t Mean You Don’t Care
This isn’t about being cold or dismissive. It’s not about shutting people out or refusing to work through challenges. It’s about recognising that you can’t control others, only yourself. It’s about self-respect, emotional freedom, and focusing your energy on the people and things that truly matter.
And as someone who has spent years battling rejection sensitivity, that’s a lesson I needed to hear.
My Message to You
If you struggle with rejection sensitivity, I want you to know—you are not alone. Your feelings are valid. But you don’t have to live in a constant state of fear, overthinking, or emotional exhaustion. You are worthy of love and connection just as you are. And if some people don’t see that?
Let them.
And if you need to take up space, ask for what you need, or live unapologetically as yourself?
Let you.
Call to Action:
If this blog resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. How do you manage rejection sensitivity? Have you tried applying the “Let Them” (and “Let Me”) theory in your life? Let’s start a conversation—leave a comment, share this post, or connect with me on social media. And don’t forget to subscribe for more content on autism, neurodiversity, and mental health.
Together, we grow.
What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?
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