Some days I wake up craving a calm, predictable day. I want to know what’s happening, when it’s happening, and exactly how it’s going to unfold. That’s the part of my brain that longs for stability — my autistic brain that finds comfort in routine, structure, and sameness.
But not long after, a different feeling kicks in.
Suddenly, I’m bored. I want something exciting. I’m daydreaming. I start three different tasks before finishing one. I get an idea for a new project at the exact moment I’m supposed to be resting.
That’s my ADHD brain — and it’s loud.
Living with both autism and ADHD (sometimes called AuDHD) often feels like my brain is having an argument with itself. One side wants order, peace, and routine. The other wants movement, creativity, and constant stimulation.
And the truth is, this constant battle between craving stability and chasing excitement can be exhausting — especially as a parent.
But the more I’ve learned to understand how my brain works, the more compassion I’ve developed for myself — and for others who might be in the same boat.
🧠 When Two Parts of Your Brain Want Different Things
Let me break it down in real-life terms.
My autistic side says, “Let’s stick to the plan. Don’t change anything. Predictability is peace.” My ADHD side says, “This is boring! Let’s do something else! Let’s reorganise the kitchen! And also, maybe start a new business!”
I’ve spent years feeling like I was failing at adulting, failing at parenting, and honestly — failing at being consistent. But I now know it’s not failure. It’s executive dysfunction, sensory overload, emotional regulation challenges — all wrapped into a beautifully complex brain.
Once I understood that my need for both structure and novelty wasn’t a contradiction but a reflection of my neurodivergence, things started to make sense.
🏡 Parenting With This Push and Pull
As a mum, this tension gets even more real.
There are times when I desperately need a quiet, calm space. But toddlers don’t exactly work on your schedule or care much for silence. Then other times, I’m craving fun and chaos and I’ll suddenly pull out every toy we own… only to feel overwhelmed five minutes later.
The back and forth can feel like emotional whiplash.
And if you’re also raising a neurodivergent child, like I am, it becomes a dance of learning each other’s rhythms, triggers, and needs — all while trying to honour your own.
It’s not easy. But it is possible. And it’s okay if your version of parenting looks different.
✅ Tips That Actually Help Me Cope
These are the strategies that help me balance the need for both routine and stimulation:
1. Build Routines with Wiggle Room
Instead of setting rigid hour-by-hour schedules, I create “anchors” for the day: breakfast, nap, bath, bedtime. These are the predictable parts. Around them, I leave space for spontaneity.
This gives my autistic side something to rely on while allowing my ADHD side the freedom to improvise.
2. Use Visuals and Lists
My brain needs to see what’s happening. I use whiteboards, colour-coded planners, and sticky notes all over the house. I often include Amelia in this — toddlers love visuals too!
3. Try Task Rotation
When I hit a wall, I allow myself to switch tasks (within reason). I rotate between mental and physical jobs — for example: 20 minutes of admin, then 10 minutes of tidying toys, then back again.
This gives my ADHD brain novelty while still getting things done — in small bursts.
4. Plan Novelty Into the Week
I used to feel guilty for getting bored of routines, but now I plan something new each week. It might be a walk somewhere different, a new book, or even a different route to the shops. Small changes scratch the itch for excitement.
5. Remember: Executive Dysfunction Isn’t Laziness
Some days I can’t get going. I can want to do the thing and still… not be able to. That’s not because I’m lazy. That’s because my brain is struggling to initiate action. On those days, I do the bare minimum and celebrate that I tried.
🫶 You’re Not Broken — You’re Learning Yourself
The world often doesn’t make space for neurodivergent people. But here’s the truth: the way your brain works is valid. Wanting stability and excitement isn’t weird — it’s actually pretty common in people with autism and ADHD.
The key isn’t choosing one or the other — it’s learning how to balance the two.
Sometimes I need quiet. Other times, I need stimulation. Some days I need the comfort of routine. Other days I need to break it.
The most important thing I’ve learned? I don’t have to apologise for it anymore.
🧩 Final Thoughts
If you relate to this — if your brain also feels like it’s fighting itself — I see you.
You’re doing your best. And that’s more than enough.
Learning to live with both autism and ADHD means rewriting the rules you were taught. It means finding your own rhythm, even if it doesn’t look like anyone else’s. It means embracing your differences as strengths — not flaws.
✨ And if you’re parenting on top of all that? You’re already a superhero.
💬 Let’s Chat
Have you experienced the battle between stability and excitement in your own brain?
Drop a comment or message me — I’d love to hear how it shows up for you.
👉 If this blog spoke to you, please like, subscribe, and share with another neurodivergent parent who might need to feel seen today.
📚 References
National Autistic Society: https://www.autism.org.uk ADHD Foundation: https://adhdfoundation.org.uk AuDHD Support Community UK Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino: https://butyoudontlooksick.com
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