The bad and your parenting journey

What could I do more of? Writing!

Juggling Work, Childcare, and Summer Holidays

Life has felt like a bit of a balancing act lately. I’ve had to take a breather from my usual writing pace, and I wanted to share why.

Recently, I started a new job, which has been exciting but also a huge adjustment. At the same time, my husband has stepped into a new role with different hours, which means there’s been a lot of change in our household. And, of course, there’s the adventure of life with a two-year-old in the mix.

To make things even more interesting, it’s been the summer holidays here in the UK. My daughter’s nursery only runs during term time, so childcare has been a constant juggle. Between work, family life, and trying to keep everything on track, it’s been more stressful than usual.

One of the things I’ve been mindful of is avoiding burnout. I’ve learnt the hard way in the past how easy it is to stretch yourself too thin. With my dyslexia, I’ve found a rhythm that works—using ChatGPT to help shape my thoughts into words. I speak my ideas aloud, and it captures them so I can keep the blog running without adding unnecessary pressure. It means I can still share these updates while giving myself the space I need.

Even though it’s been a whirlwind, I want to keep this blog as a place of connection and support. So, here’s where I’d love your help. What would you like me to write about next? Are there topics, stories, or questions that you’d love me to cover? This blog is just as much for you as it is for me, and your input means the world.

If you’ve enjoyed this little update, please like, subscribe, and share it with someone who might relate. Parenthood, work, and life are never simple, but together we can remind each other that we’re not alone.

References

Bliss. (2025). Support for families in neonatal care. https://www.bliss.org.uk NHS. (2025). Managing stress: tips and advice. https://www.nhs.uk

What could you do more of?

Rainbow Baby Day: A Celebration of Joy, Love, Loss, and Hope

Today is Rainbow Baby Day. For those who may not know, a rainbow baby is a baby born after the loss of another baby. The rainbow comes after the storm, symbolising hope, love, and light following heartbreak.

But if you are a parent of a rainbow baby, you’ll know the day can stir so many emotions. Alongside the joy of holding your child in your arms, there can be a deep sense of guilt, sadness, “what ifs,” and remembrance for the little one who didn’t get to stay.

The mixture of emotions

When I became a mum, I realised how closely love and loss can sit side by side. For parents of rainbow babies, there’s often a sense of “should I be allowed to feel this happy?” paired with “why couldn’t I have had both?”

The guilt can creep in when we’re laughing and playing with our rainbow, as though joy somehow dishonours the baby who came before. But love isn’t a limited resource. Loving your rainbow does not mean you’ve stopped loving the baby you lost. Both can exist. Both should exist.

The weight of the “what ifs”

Rainbow parenting also brings with it the “what ifs.”

What if my baby had survived – who would they have become? What if my children had grown up together as siblings? What if I had done something differently – could the outcome have changed?

These questions can linger quietly in the background or hit hard on days like today. They can make us feel torn between two worlds – the life we’re living with our rainbow and the life we imagine with the baby who isn’t here.

It’s important to remind ourselves that the “what ifs” come from love. They are part of honouring the baby we lost. We may never have answers, but allowing ourselves to feel those questions is a way of keeping their memory alive.

How common loss really is

Statistics tell us that 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Personally, I think the number is higher, simply because people don’t always talk about it. It’s still something many parents carry quietly. Often, when you do find the courage to speak about your own experience in a group, someone else will quietly share that they’ve been through it too. That silence can make the journey feel isolating, but breaking it shows us just how many families carry this hidden grief.

Remembering and finding support

If today feels heavy for you, please know you are not alone. There are charities and organisations here in the UK who are there to hold you through the mix of emotions:

Sands (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Charity) – Offering bereavement support groups, helplines, and campaigns for better bereavement care. https://www.sands.org.uk Tommy’s – Funding research into miscarriage, stillbirth, and premature birth while also providing information and support to families. https://www.tommys.org Bliss – Supporting parents of premature and sick babies, recognising that many NICU journeys are tied with loss and trauma. https://www.bliss.org.uk Petals – A counselling charity dedicated to helping parents who experience loss during pregnancy or birth. https://www.petalscharity.org

These organisations exist because too many families walk this road, and no one should have to do it in silence.

Holding space for all emotions

Today is about remembering, about celebrating, and about honouring every baby – those here and those who live in our hearts. It’s okay if you feel joy. It’s okay if you feel guilt. It’s okay if you feel both at the very same moment.

It’s okay too if you find yourself drifting into the “what ifs.” They don’t mean you’re ungrateful for your rainbow. They mean you are human, carrying love for more than one child.

Rainbow Baby Day is not just about the rainbow, but about acknowledging the storm that came before. And sometimes, simply knowing that others understand can be enough to bring a little comfort.

✨ If this blog has resonated with you, please like, share, and subscribe so more parents can find comfort in knowing they are not alone.

References

Sands: https://www.sands.org.uk Tommy’s: https://www.tommys.org Bliss: https://www.bliss.org.uk Petals: https://www.petalscharity.org

The Professions I Admire the Most

When I think about the professions I truly admire, my mind doesn’t go to the usual high-status roles that society often praises — the lawyers, the bankers, or the big-name executives.

My admiration lies with the people whose work often goes unnoticed, undervalued, and underpaid, yet is vital to the very fabric of our communities.

The Forgotten Heroes of the Pandemic

During the pandemic and lockdown, we all saw who the real heroes were.

It wasn’t those in corner offices or behind polished desks.

It was the minimum wage carers — the ones turning up day after day, risking their health to protect and care for others.

They were holding the hands of the dying when families couldn’t be there.

They were offering comfort, compassion, and dignity in a time when fear was everywhere.

Many built strong emotional bonds with those they cared for, only to lose them to Covid. The emotional toll of that work is something I think society still hasn’t fully acknowledged.

And yet, despite the enormous responsibility and personal risk, carers are still not paid anywhere near what they deserve. It baffles me. We clapped for them then, but too many people have moved on and forgotten. I haven’t — and I never will.

Healthcare Workers Deserve Medals

This admiration extends across all areas of healthcare.

Nurses, doctors, healthcare assistants, paramedics, cleaners in hospitals, porters — every single one of them played a role in keeping people alive and providing comfort when it mattered most.

They faced exhaustion, fear, and heartache but kept showing up.

Every single one of them deserves a medal.

My Personal Heroes: Neonatal and In Utero Medicine Teams

For me, there’s a very personal reason why I will always hold neonatal teams and in utero medicine teams in the highest regard.

If it weren’t for their skill, dedication, and medical expertise, my daughter would not be here today.

They work in one of the most high-pressure environments imaginable. Every decision can mean the difference between life and death for a baby who hasn’t even had the chance to take their first breath, or one who is fighting for survival in those early days. They have to combine razor-sharp medical knowledge with deep compassion for the families they support.

When your child’s life is in someone else’s hands, you realise how extraordinary these professionals truly are.

Never Forget

These professions — carers, healthcare workers, and specialist medical teams — are the backbone of our society. They don’t just save lives; they bring hope, dignity, and humanity into the darkest moments.

My respect for them is unshakeable, and my gratitude is lifelong.

If you know someone who works in any of these roles, take a moment today to say thank you. Because while the headlines have moved on, their work and sacrifices should never be forgotten.

References:

Carers UK. (2021). The State of Caring Report 2021. Retrieved from: https://www.carersuk.org Bliss. (2023). Neonatal care in the UK. Retrieved from: https://www.bliss.org.uk NHS. (2024). Specialist in utero services. Retrieved from: https://www.england.nhs.uk

Call to Action:

If this blog resonated with you, please like, share, and subscribe to my blog so together we can keep shining a light on the people and professions that truly keep our world going.

What profession do you admire most and why?

Creating My Dream Shop: A Safe and Welcoming Space for Families

If I ever opened a shop, I wouldn’t just want it to be a shop. I’d want it to be a community hub—a place where families could come together, feel at ease, and know they are somewhere truly inclusive.

In my vision, this space would start with a gluten-free café, serving delicious cakes and treats that everyone could enjoy. We’d also offer vegan and milk-free options, making sure that nobody is left out because of dietary needs. And here’s the big one—completely nut-free. As a parent, I know how important peace of mind is, especially when allergies are involved. I want parents to be able to sit down, enjoy a cuppa, and relax without constantly worrying about cross-contamination.

But this wouldn’t just be about food. My shop would have children’s books—from heartwarming stories to awareness books that help kids understand topics like neurodiversity, kindness, and inclusion. We’d also have a range of fidget toys, perfect for children (and adults) who need something to help them focus, regulate emotions, or simply enjoy some sensory play.

And because children need space to explore and play, I’d have a mini playground right inside. Imagine a cosy little dress-up corner where kids could transform into superheroes, princesses, astronauts, or whatever their imagination desires. This wouldn’t just be a café—it would be a place where families could spend time together, meet new friends, and feel completely welcome.

In my mind, it’s more than a shop—it’s a community heartbeat. Somewhere you could pop in for a coffee, pick up a book, let the kids play, and leave feeling lighter and happier than when you came in.

Who knows—maybe one day, this dream will become a reality. Until then, I’ll keep building on the idea and imagining the smiles on the faces of the families who walk through the door.

If you’d love to see a place like this in your town, let me know in the comments! And if you enjoyed reading about my vision, please like and subscribe to my blog so you don’t miss future posts.

References & Further Reading

Allergy UK – Food Allergies and Intolerances Coeliac UK – Gluten-Free Living National Autistic Society – Sensory Needs

If you were going to open up a shop, what would you sell?

Leaving the House as a Disabled Mum: Why My Checklist Is So Much Longer

If you class yourself as what most people would call “average” when it comes to leaving the house, your mental checklist probably looks something like this: keys, purse, phone. These days, a lot of people don’t even bother with a purse if they have Google Pay or Apple Pay. Maybe you’ll throw in a phone charger or cable for good measure, but that’s about it.

When you’re disabled, living with a chronic illness, or you’re a parent — let alone both — the list grows. And it grows fast.

The reality of leaving the house when you have extra needs

For me, on top of the usual essentials, I have to think about:

Medication – because I can’t risk being without it. Walking aids – sometimes that’s Amelia’s buggy, other times it’s my crutches. Hearing aid batteries – because I’ve been caught out before and it’s not fun. Hearing aid storage box – so I have somewhere safe to put them if I need a break. Hearing aid pin – to open them up and turn them off if I need to. Bus pass – my disabled person’s bus pass is invaluable for hospital trips and appointments.

Yesterday was a perfect example. I had an 8:15am hospital appointment to collect and calibrate my new hearing aids. Amelia and I had stayed the night at my in-laws because Ryan had been working a 12-hour shift the day before and wouldn’t have got home until 9pm. If we’d waited for him to get back and then gone to my in-laws, it would have made for a very, very long day. Instead, we went after I finished work the day before.

The next morning, I left at 6:50am and had to get two buses to make it to the hospital on time. I was extremely grateful for my bus pass — without it, the cost and complexity of the trip would have been far more difficult to manage. I was just as grateful for my in-laws, because calibrating hearing aids needs complete silence… and, let’s be honest, two-year-olds and silence simply don’t go together.

Planning my mornings around my disability, my health, and parenting isn’t just about convenience — it’s about making sure I can actually manage the day ahead.

The “Amelia” version of the checklist

When Amelia’s with me, the list doubles. I need to pack:

Spare outfit Nappies and wipes Reins – because she’s at the stage where she wants to run everywhere (and she’s quick — definitely takes after her dad).

And this list will only grow later this year when we start potty training properly.

Why this matters

If you live with a disability or chronic illness, you’ll know that forgetting one small thing can completely derail your day. That’s why I’ve learned to treat leaving the house like a mini-military operation — not because I’m overthinking, but because it’s what keeps me safe, prepared, and able to enjoy life with my little one.

Whether you’re a disabled parent, a carer, or simply someone who juggles a lot, having your own tailored “leave-the-house checklist” can be a lifesaver.

Call to action: If this blog resonated with you, please like and subscribe so you don’t miss more real-life parenting and disability posts. And I’d love to hear from you — what’s on your must-have checklist when you leave the house?

Here’s your downloadable Disabled Mum’s Leave-the-House Checklist PDF:

📄 Download the checklist

References

Scope UK. Living with disability: Daily challenges and adjustments. Scope.org.uk. National Deaf Children’s Society. Hearing aid care and maintenance. ndcs.org.uk.

What is the most important thing to carry with you all the time?

13 Days Fighting: Honouring Leo and Raising Awareness for Baby Loss

If you’re based in the UK and love a bit of nostalgia, chances are you’ve been watching the new series of Gladiators. But behind the big screen and athletic personas, some of these Gladiators are facing the kind of battles no one ever signs up for.

Zack George, known on screen as Steel, recently shared something deeply personal and heart-breaking. Zack and his partner Samantha lost their precious baby boy, Leo, after just 13 days in the NICU at Leicester Royal Infirmary. Thirteen tiny days. Thirteen days filled with more love, more fear, more hope, and more heartbreak than many will experience in a lifetime.

Their loss echoes through so many families. Because baby loss, whether it’s through miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death, is still far too common. And sadly, it’s also something people often feel they have to go through in silence.

As someone who has been through the NICU journey and has also experienced the loss of a twin, I know too well how this pain can sit silently in the corners of your life. It’s why I talk openly about it. It’s why we need people like Zack and Samantha to share their truth—because their honesty opens the door for others to be heard too.

Leo’s Legacy – “13 Days Fighting”

To honour Leo’s life and the incredible care he received, Zack has launched an incredible fundraiser called “13 Days Fighting”.

Here’s how Zack describes it in his own words:

“Our baby boy Leo was born prematurely and spent 13 precious days in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) Leicester Royal Infirmary before the fight became too much for him. In response to the profound care Leo received and the emotional journey our family endured, we are committed to transforming that experience into meaningful, lasting support for other families facing similar challenges.

To demonstrate our initial income and fundraising potential, I am launching the ‘13 Days Fighting’ Burpee Challenge, taking place from 18th to 30th August. This challenge honours Leo’s strength during his 13-day fight and involves me completing a mile of burpees each day for 13 days, at 13 different locations across the UK.”

It’s bold. It’s brave. It’s exactly the kind of visibility we need to open conversations around neonatal loss and the emotional impact it has on the whole family.

You can support Zack, Samantha and Ivy here:

👉 13 Days Fighting GoFundMe Page

The Power of Support – Charities Making a Difference

When families go through the unthinkable, support is absolutely vital. I want to highlight three UK charities that offer invaluable resources for families like the Georges—and for people like you and me.

🦋 Sands – Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Charity

Sands supports anyone affected by the death of a baby. Whether it happened recently or decades ago, they offer bereavement support groups, a helpline, and resources to guide families through grief. They also work nationally to improve maternity safety and bereavement care.

🔗 www.sands.org.uk

🧠 Tommy’s – Pregnancy and Baby Loss Research

Tommy’s is dedicated to saving babies’ lives through research into miscarriage, stillbirth, premature birth, and pregnancy complications. They offer evidence-based guidance to help parents feel empowered, informed, and supported at every stage of their journey.

🔗 www.tommys.org

💙 Bliss – For Babies Born Premature or Sick

Bliss provides emotional and practical support to parents whose babies are born premature or unwell. They work alongside NICUs to ensure better outcomes for babies and campaign for better neonatal services across the UK.

🔗 www.bliss.org.uk

Why This Matters

Whether you’ve been in the NICU, or know someone who has, or you’re just moved by stories like Leo’s—you have a role to play. Sharing posts like this, donating where you can, or even just listening without judgement to someone who is grieving… it all matters.

Zack’s story, like many others, reminds us that babies are not “too small to matter.” Thirteen days is not too short a life to make a difference. Leo’s strength is now fuelling change—and that’s a legacy worth supporting.

💬 Your Voice Matters Too

Have you experienced loss, or supported a loved one through it? Please feel free to share your story in the comments. And if this post resonated with you, it would mean the world if you’d share it with others.

👇 Like, subscribe, and follow for more stories, resources and support around premature birth, baby loss, and parenting through trauma.

References

Sands Charity. www.sands.org.uk Tommy’s Research and Support. www.tommys.org Bliss Premature Baby Charity. www.bliss.org.uk Zack George’s Fundraiser in Memory of Leo. GoFundMe – 13 Days Fighting

When It All Hits at Once: Mum Guilt, Meltdowns, and the Power of Letting It Out

Today was one of those days. The kind of day where everything bubbles to the surface and spills over.

I was at home with Amelia. From the outside, nothing looked particularly unusual — just a tired mum and a toddler doing the usual dance of cuddles, chaos, and clinginess. But inside? I was unravelling a bit.

The truth is, this whole week has been heavy.

It started with the holiday — a lovely family trip to my hometown to celebrate my dad’s 80th birthday. But it was a long journey, and being away from routine is always a challenge for me. Especially now that I’m back at work for the first time since the second trimester of my pregnancy.

That return stirred something I hadn’t anticipated. I expected nerves, maybe some tiredness. What I didn’t expect was the wave of mum guilt — and the echo of a deeper guilt that’s lived in me since our time in the NICU. That feeling of Am I doing enough? Did I do enough? came roaring back louder than I’d prepared for.

Amelia has been more clingy than usual — probably sensing the shift in routine and emotions. She’s said “Mummy” hundreds of times today, and we were up at 4am, so I was already exhausted. Then there was the laundry, the never-ending list of house jobs, and just a growing sense of being overwhelmed.

Eventually, I sat down and cried. Not just a tear or two. Full-on tears. Because sometimes, everything just hits. And that’s okay.

What helped today was something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately: The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins.

Originally, it’s about letting people do what they’re going to do, and not trying to control their actions or reactions. If someone forgets to call? Let them. If someone doesn’t invite you? Let them. If someone is late, rude, or unkind? Let them.

But there’s a second part that’s even more important in my opinion — and that’s “Let Me.”

Let me feel the feelings.

Let me sit with the sadness.

Let me take five minutes away from the noise.

Let me be human.

Let me cry.

Let me breathe.

Because how we respond to those outside triggers — the stress, the expectations, the toddler tears, the guilt — matters just as much as the triggers themselves. “Let me” is an act of grace. It’s what stops us from bottling it up until we break.

I think especially as neurodivergent parents, or just parents full stop, routine changes can knock us sideways. The weight of the world gets heavy. But giving ourselves permission to be — not to push through, or perfect, or perform — that’s what gives us the space to reset.

So, if you’ve cried today too, or felt like you were teetering on the edge, just know you’re not alone. And please, if no one else has said it to you: let you. You deserve it.

💜 If this resonated with you, please like, share, or subscribe. You never know who else needs to hear that they’re not alone.

References & Resources

Robbins, M. (2023). The Let Them Theory – Mel Robbins Podcast & YouTube Bliss – Support for Parents of Premature Babies: https://www.bliss.org.uk Tommy’s – Trauma and PTSD after the NICU: https://www.tommys.org Start4Life – Returning to Work as a Parent: https://www.nhs.uk/start4life The Good, The Bad, and Your Parenting Journey: https://thegoodthebadandurparentingjourney.family.blog

First Week Back at Work Since Pregnancy: A Rollercoaster of Emotions

This week has been big. No, huge.

I’ve just finished my first proper week in employment since I was 16 weeks pregnant — the same time I was made redundant. In hindsight, the redundancy came at the right time. I now realise I would have been signed off sick from about a week later anyway, and then off until Amelia arrived. But even though it was “right,” it still left a mark. So stepping back into work after all this time? It’s been emotional.

And to make it even more of a whirlwind, I wasn’t easing in gently. From Friday to Tuesday, we were away celebrating my dad’s 80th birthday in my hometown of Llandudno. There was such joy — catching up with friends, reminiscing, watching Amelia experience my old stomping grounds. But there was also the not-so-fun part: lots of travel, and a car-sick toddler. Always a balancing act, isn’t it?

Then Wednesday hit, and I started my new job.

The first two days I was shadowing the lovely person I’m taking over from. Today, I moved into office work and more training. Honestly? It’s been a lot. My brain has had to do serious mental gymnastics to take everything in. It’s left me exhausted — in a way that feels both satisfying and slightly frazzling.

But I want to share something positive too. Since Ryan started his new job a few weeks ago, I’ve been able to get Amelia into a much more predictable routine. And (drumroll, please)… she’s now sleeping through the night.

If you’ve ever been through sleep deprivation, you’ll understand why this feels like an actual miracle.

It’s incredible how much better I can function with a full night’s sleep. I feel sharper, less reactive, and just generally more me. There’s still a lot going on emotionally — starting a new role, adapting to change, learning to trust myself again — but there’s hope in the routine. I’m doing it. One day at a time.

This weekend, I’m planning to pause. No jobs. No overthinking. Just a little space to breathe, reset, and remember how far I’ve come.

💬 Can you relate to this kind of emotional back-and-forth when starting something new — especially as a parent? I’d love to hear your story in the comments.

📌 If you found this blog helpful or relatable, please like, share, and subscribe to support others who might be feeling the same.

References & Related Posts:

Mum Guilt and Going Back to Work The Power of Routine for Toddlers Why Sleep Is a Game-Changer for Parents Tips for Returning to Work After Maternity Leave

Mum Guilt and Going Back to Work: A Bittersweet Step Forward

Today was a big day. I started a new job – just 12 hours a week, in the mornings. It’s flexible, it’s supportive, and it feels like the beginning of something that’s mine again. A space for me. But of course, along with that joy came the thing many of us know all too well: Mum guilt.

Because while I’m stepping into a role that gives me purpose outside the home, it also means stepping away from Amelia – and even just writing that brings a lump to my throat.

During the summer holidays, juggling childcare is always a challenge, but in a strange way, I’m actually glad I started this job now. It gives me a little practice run before September, when Amelia heads to play school. I know that’ll make it slightly easier.

And I’m incredibly lucky. The place I’m working at is wonderful – kind, welcoming, understanding. But still, that knot in my stomach lingers. The ‘what ifs’ start to creep in. What if she needs me and I’m not there? What if she cries? What if she misses me?

The truth is, I think there’s always going to be mum guilt. Whether we stay at home, go back to work, or do something in between – the pressure can be relentless. And the guilt? It never really disappears. But today, I’m choosing to breathe. I’m choosing to look at the positives.

Today, Amelia had a daddy-daughter day. Tomorrow, she’s off to spend time with Auntie Sophie and her cousin – who’s only a year and a half older, so they’re thick as thieves. She’s not missing out. She’s bonding, learning, and exploring the world through different relationships. And that’s a beautiful thing.

💛 Tips for Managing Mum Guilt When Returning to Work

If you’re like me, torn between wanting a piece of yourself back and feeling torn about leaving your little one, here are a few things that might help:

1. Acknowledge the Guilt – But Don’t Let It Define You

Guilt is normal, but it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It simply means you care. Let it pass through – like a wave, not a permanent weight.

2. Create Small Rituals for Connection

Leave a note in their bag, or record a little video for them to watch. It helps you feel close, even when you’re apart.

3. Focus on the Why

You’re working to contribute, to grow, and to show your child that mums are allowed to have goals, dreams, and careers too.

4. Trust the Person You’re Leaving Them With

It’s hard, but if you’ve chosen someone safe, loving, and nurturing – trust that. They might not be you, but they bring their own magic.

5. Take Moments Just for You

Whether it’s a quiet cuppa, a short walk, or a scroll-free lunch break – take a few minutes to breathe and centre yourself.

🧠 Why Time Away Can Be Good for Your Child’s Social Development

It’s natural to worry that no one can care for our children quite like we can – and in a way, that’s true. But being around other trusted adults and children helps them grow in ways we sometimes can’t provide at home.

It strengthens:

Resilience: Learning to cope with short separations helps build emotional strength. Communication skills: Being with different people broadens their language and social cues. Independence: They begin to trust their ability to explore, interact, and express themselves without constant reliance on us.

And let’s not forget – they learn empathy, kindness, and adaptability from all the people they bond with.

So if you’re reading this and you’re feeling that familiar tug of guilt – you’re not alone. But you are doing enough. More than enough. You’re showing your child what balance looks like. You’re teaching them that love doesn’t disappear when you walk out the door – it just grows wider.

And tomorrow, when you reunite after work, you’ll both have stories to share. That’s something special too.

✨ If this blog helped you feel seen, please like, subscribe, and share it with a fellow parent who might need a little reminder that they’re doing great.

References:

NHS. (2023). Child development: social and emotional The Lullaby Trust. (2022). Returning to work after parental leave Parenting for Brain. (2023). The science of secure attachment and social learning. Centre for Child Mental Health London. (2022). The role of relational care in early development.

Baking Memories into Our Wedding Day: Why I Made My Own Wedding Cake

When I got married, there was one thing I was absolutely certain about—I wanted to make my own wedding cake.

Some people thought I was mad. With everything else going on in the lead-up to a wedding, why would I add the pressure of baking and decorating a cake? But for me, it wasn’t just about a cake. It was about connection. It was about love. And it was about honouring the memory of someone incredibly special to me—my Nain.

When I was a child, my Nain always had cake in the house. No matter what was going on, she had a tin with something sweet inside, and more often than not, it was a Victoria sponge. Light, fluffy, sandwiched with jam and cream—simple but full of love. It was her go-to and, over time, it became mine too. We’d sit together and have a slice, and looking back now, those moments were some of the most comforting of my childhood.

After she passed away, I couldn’t bring myself to bake cake for a long time. Even seeing a Victoria sponge would stop me in my tracks. It just brought too much sadness. Grief is like that—it sneaks into the most ordinary things and changes them.

Then the pandemic hit. Like many others, I found myself baking again, partly to stay busy, partly to feel something other than anxiety. I decided to try cake again. And I realised just how much I had missed it. It wasn’t just baking—it was therapy. It brought back happy memories, and over time, those memories started to feel more like comfort than pain.

But there was a twist—by this point, I was gluten-free. If you’ve ever tried baking gluten-free sponge, you’ll know it can be a challenge to get it just right. It’s never quite the same… or at least I thought it wasn’t.

That’s where Becky Excell came in. Her incredible gluten-free cookbooks completely changed the game for me. Her Victoria sponge recipe? Spot on. It tasted like childhood. It tasted like Nain’s kitchen. It tasted like love.

So when it came to planning our wedding, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to bake my own cake. Not just to save money. Not just because I love baking. But because I wanted my Nain to be part of the day. I wanted a bit of her there, even if it was just in the form of sponge and jam.

Was it stressful? Oh, definitely. Especially the decorating. There were moments I nearly gave up. But I didn’t. And looking back now, I have absolutely no regrets. That cake was made with so much love. And when I cut into it with my husband, it felt like I’d brought a piece of my past into our future.

Some things are worth the extra effort. And that cake? It wasn’t just a dessert—it was a tribute. It was healing. And it made our day feel even more special.

If you’re gluten-free and feel like you’re always missing out on “real cake,” please check out Becky Excell’s recipes. They changed the game for me and might do the same for you.

And if you’re thinking of adding a personal touch to your wedding—even if it seems a bit mad—I say go for it. The memories are worth it.

Have you ever made something special to honour a loved one? Or added a personal touch to your big day? I’d love to hear about it. Share your story in the comments below. And if this blog made you smile, don’t forget to like and subscribe for more reflections on parenting, neurodiversity, love, and all the messy beautiful moments in between.

References:

Excell, B. (2020). How to Make Anything Gluten-Free. Quadrille Publishing. Excell, B. (2021). How to Bake Anything Gluten-Free. Quadrille Publishing. Personal experience of Laura Johnstone, author and parent advocate at The Good, The Bad, and Your Parenting Journey

What foods would you like to make?